Melissa Charles author

In our family, The Husband and I take turns reading bedtime stories to the Littles, who aren’t as little as they used to be, but are still willing to be read to. Right now, they like old Garfield comics. Since I’ve already read ALL the Captain Underpants books and ALL the spinoffs multiple times, it’s a nice break.

Part of reading to kids is explaining stuff they don’t get. Tonight, it was idioms. Which in itself took some explaining, because of course the boys thought Dad had said ‘idiots.’ Our youngest asked what ‘pay your dues’ meant. Which somehow evolved into other idioms, including ‘not having a pot to piss in.’ Which perked the interest of both boys, because anything that remotely hints of toilet humour is immediately fascinating.

Husband explained how way back when, tanners used to pay people daily for their collected urine, because it helped to clean hides, getting rid of hair, soften hides, etc. For some families, that money meant the difference between starving or not. So, if you didn’t have a pot to collect the urine, (probably because you’d had to sell it or it had broken and you couldn’t afford to repair or replace it) you were in deep, deep trouble. The worst kind of poverty, because you lost that income stream (if you’ll pardon the pun).

My husband told me about this so I could be prepared for tomorrow. We both know our youngest has a bit of an inventive mind, and there’s no doubt at all that he’s going to come to me tomorrow to fact check his dad. And then, more than likely, ask how to find a place to sell his pee.

All I know is I’m keeping careful track of all my mop buckets and pots for a while. And plastic containers.

My kids are among the few that could take an English and history lesson and turn it into a potential biohazard.

I’m not sure if I should be proud or scared.